How Many Things Can I Find Offensive? A WORKING List.

  • When you’re speaking to someone, and another person just JOINS the conversation.


    Can you say rude? This is easily one of my biggest pet peeves, and it’s so impolite, even if what the topic is about isn’t a private matter. For those who are about to respond, “If you’re speaking in a public place, though, then it’s a public conversation.”… feel free to go play in traffic.

    • You’re inside your home, yet you can hear someone’s music crystal clear from inside their own home, or their vehicle.


      This makes me want to rip my hair out! My neighbor, who lives downstairs, is constantly blasting her Kelly Clarkson album. I get it, you love her more than anyone else… but “since you’ve been gone” I finally have peace… stay gone! As for those who are waiting in my parking lot to pick up someone, your “Shake that ass to the floor, drop yo’ pants, show me dem’ titties” shit is not impressing anyone… turn that shit down.

      • Diet crazes.


        Beachbody, Shakeology, 21 Day Fix, South Beach Diet, Atkins, The Zone, Caveman Diet, Juice Fasts… Regardless of what it is, and how many I’ve tried, I am sick of hearing about everyone else doing them and having wonderful success. I get it, the first few hundred people- I am happy for, you did it! I am over it now, though, and my big ass hates you.

        • Dry, cracked lips.


          Waking up in the morning to find your mouth completely dried out, and you go to yawn- *SPLIT* your mouth just tore in half! The agony. You can’t even enjoy your orange juice now without your lips feeling like you just kissed Satan’s tender touch hole. What a horrible way to start the day. Keep them babies hydrated!

          • When someone is telling you how to do your job… when THEY are NEW!


            Okay, so, I am all for people trying to help each other out, but when I’ve worked at my job for years I am going to preform said job the way I was trained to do it. You have to realize that surely not everyone trains the same, and my methods may be a tad different from yours based on whoever/whomever trained YOU, but if they yield the same results, who cares? If you’ve just started your position and think you know more about my job than I do, think again… your opinions are ill-mannered and not needed or respected.

            • Paper cuts.


              Similar to dry, cracked lips in that it hurts like HELL, these little devils are the worst kind of torture, especially in an office related job. I sit at a computer all day and basically push those papers… so getting a paper cut is the absolute worst.

              • Burning your tongue!


                Impatient actions get us all at times, but when you can’t wait those couple of minutes for your pizza to cool down, and you go in for what promises to be the tastiest thing you’ve ever experienced in your life only to be gifted with a mouth melting reality of sadness… well, perhaps next time you’ll wait, fatty. Haha!

                • When people don’t know how to pick up their feet when they walk, or chew with their mouths closed.


                  These are so insignificant, I know, but we all have things that irritate us to no end. PICK UP YOUR CROCS AND SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

                  • Waiting in the Drive-Thru forever.


                    Key words: FAST FOOD. There is nothing fast about waiting twenty minutes for you to ultimately mess up my order, forcing you to remake it. Pick up the pace & work on your quality.

                    • Using the public restroom and there’s piss all over the seat!


                      I didn’t wake up this morning having it in my head that I’d be required to touch anyone else’s bodily fluids… I don’t have that kind of job, and I wouldn’t ever agree to such a thing anyway. When I have to go, I have to go, and I don’t want to have to waste my time cleaning up your piddle while I am bursting at the seams. Clean up after yourself, pig!

                      • People who live off gov’t aid, yet constantly have their hair & nails done and are better dressed than I am.


                        I get it… sometimes, we all need a little help. Gov’t aid is not for personal spending habits, though, and I am sick of busting my ass 40 hours+ every week to have a portion of my money come out of my hard earned check and have it go to “aid” these peoples beauty habits. My nails are chipped, my hair is dull and my clothes are frayed, but I earn what I have and that money should be mine if it’s not being used properly anyway.

                        • SPOILERS!


                          You loved that new movie? The season finale of your show was crazy? SPOILER ALERT– I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT! Not everyone had the luxury of being able to stay up all hours of the night to catch these shows/movies, so don’t ruin it for everyone else!

                          • FAKE politeness.


                            I know you don’t like me. I know you talk shit about me behind my back. Woman/Man up and be real! If you don’t like me, I could care less, so don’t pretend you’re Princess Diana, and tell me like it fucking IS. Love, Me.

                            • Never ending stories.


                              Your weekend plans fascinate me, they really do, but don’t talk my ear off for a half hour about how you’re going to get your colon cleansed or how you’re getting your chin waxed. I don’t need to know.

                              • When the boss doesn’t let you leave on time or when everyone else leaves.


                                Elvis already left the building? Everyone else can leave 5 minutes early, but you are forced to stay? No. See ya later!

                                • OLD PEOPLE and their denture cream!


                                  People age… they lose their teeth… they get dentures. That’s all well and good. What drives me insane is when they overuse their denture cream! They smack it around their mouths, it pools in the corners of their lips, and makes horrible noises when they speak. Just kill me now.

                                  • When people wear band t-shirts for “fashion” and NOT because they like the band.


                                    When I compliment someones t-shirt, for it represents a band that I love, and they have no clue who the band is, they simply bought the shirt because it looked cool or because everyone else was wearing it… [INSERT MAJOR FLIP OUT HERE]

                                    • That diarrhea exists…


                                      LOL, I just had to add this. Everybody poops, okay? In all seriousness, if we’re putting stuff in our bodies that isn’t good for us, wouldn’t a better solution to that problem be to add a button that could like… Compress all the gross stuff into a tiny cube (like a trash compressor) that we could depose of cleanly and without issue? Instead, the creator of our bodies thought it’d be a real hoot to watch us run to the bathroom with our cheeks squeezed together, praying for a miracle, all the while having excruciating belly pains, and then to have lava erupt from our balloon knots? That’s just uncalled for, dude.












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